Last summer, I walked into my local hardware store with my 85-year-old dad. As the former high school principal in my small hometown, I am often recognized by former students. Educators know the feeling: those spontaneous encounters with graduates whose names you cannot quite recall.
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That Saturday, two young men approached, eager to share their life updates. When they left, my dad asked, “How do you know those guys?” I smiled and said, “Dad, all the 20-somethings in this town know me as their principal.” He paused, then shared a simple truth that only an 85-year-old father could offer:
“That’s a big responsibility to be someone to somebody. Enjoy it.”
That stuck with me. It is easy to lose sight of the joy in school leadership. Daily challenges such as staff shortages, parent concerns, and constant mandates can make the work feel like triage. Yet, being someone to somebody is a profound reason to lead with joy.
Through nearly three decades in education, I have learned joyful leadership rests on three principles:
- Connection — making people feel seen, valued, and heard.
- Authenticity — showing up as yourself, consistently and transparently.
- Purpose — staying anchored in your “why.”
The joy of connection
Every principal knows how quickly a day can disappear in a blur of emails, meetings, and hallway supervision. Early in my career, I measured success by how many tasks I could complete. Was my inbox empty? Were voicemails cleared? Those habits helped me survive, but not enjoy the work. Over time, I learned that thriving requires a shift in focus from tasks to people.
I started walking away from my computer more often. I built routines that allowed me to greet students and check in with staff. Connection takes time, but it gives energy back. It fills your “joy bucket.” Take the opportunity to step into a teacher’s room to ask about their family or their travels during the recent holiday break. Likewise, create the space for them to learn about your life outside of work. Building ties and connections on a personal level helps the partnership between teacher and principal for those moments when the job feels like a grind.
Try giving your community a weekly high-five by practicing these impactful habits:
- Write two handwritten notes each Friday to thank or celebrate staff.
- Make two positive parent calls each week, preferably with the student present.
- Sit with students once a week in the cafeteria to laugh and listen.
These small actions require only minutes but return joy for hours.
The joy of being authentically you
Who you are is how you best lead. When principals imitate their mentors, they lose themselves and the joy that comes with leading from authenticity. You were chosen for your position because someone believed you were the right person for the job. The best version of your leadership exists within you.
It is OK not to have all the answers. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is how trust begins. And trust builds teams. Teams thrive in a school community when the staff feels seen and valued. A team-oriented staff is more willing to cover a class, mentor a new teacher, or offer honest feedback.
As a leader, your staff recognizes a genuine personal connection versus an inauthentic concern. Authenticity permits others to show up honestly, too. When leaders are genuine, they make it safe for others to do the same, and that is where joy grows.
The joy of fulfilling your purpose
Melina sat in the cafeteria every day with only her phone and a “leave me alone” attitude. As the new principal, I made it my mission to connect with her. It took nearly three semesters before she acknowledged me in the hallway. By spring of her senior year, she was inviting me to her family’s graduation cookout. Years later, she sent me pictures of her newborn daughter. Moments like that are my why.
Leading with joy becomes easier when your purpose is clear. It is creating impact through connection by pausing to love, enjoy, and wonder. Every leader faces seasons when the weight of the work feels heavy. We lose touch with our purpose, and joy begins to fade. The truth is simple: purpose fuels joy, and joy sustains purpose.
That is why I keep what I call a “joy file.” At each of my administrative stops, I also kept sticky notes under my desk with memories or quotes from staff or students. It provided timestamped, anecdotal evidence of those moments you don’t want to forget. On any given day when my principal joy waned, I could reach under my desk after school and grab a random note to share with whoever may be in my office. One note was often enough to help us laugh, reminisce, and remember our purpose. Strangely, it can be that simple to find joy.
Each note is a reminder that the work matters. Sometimes a single message is enough to spark a laugh, a memory, and renewed energy. It is remarkable how simple it can be to rediscover joy.
Overcome with joy
Many forces are working against joy in schools today. The pace, the politics, and the pressures can feel overwhelming. Joy does not ignore these challenges. It reframes them. Joy reminds us why we lead. It centers our attention on people rather than problems.
A joyful leader laughs with their people. A joyful leader listens to their people. And a joyful leader learns with their people.
— Kevin Spainhour
Leading with joy is about recognizing the good that already exists and nurturing it each day. Remembering that in the race to be better and best, you should not miss the joy of being.
And above all, enjoy being someone to somebody.
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